In part one, I reviewed research about why people must learn to both get ahead and get along to be successful in any society. Getting ahead in whatever society you operate in increases your status and influence over your life and getting along increases the likelihood that those in your social environment will help you. Both are critical to long term success and happiness. I made the case that becoming self-aware and discerning clearly who you help you make choices to get ahead but there are other reasons that increased self-awareness helps us be more successful and happy.
- When we are self-aware we tend to be more motivated because we opt into situations that fit our motive profiles. I once coached a manager who loved to write for fun on weekends but he was frustrated in his job as Director of Human Resources at his company. Through a series of brilliant career moves, he ended up as the speechwriter for the Chairman of his company. He went from frustrated to highly motivated and increased both his career success and happiness.
- Those who are self-aware are less trapped by unproductive unconscious beliefs that limit them. In a Columbia Business School executive program, I was teaching in a manager told our group about how his perfectionism and micro-management problems were leading his superiors to conclude that he was not an effective leader. In unpacking his deeply held belief system in the program he learned that the source of his perfectionism was the very harsh punishment that was administered by his Dad when he failed at anything as a child. With new found self-awareness, he learned to turn off that self-limiting tape that was shaping his behavior and started to lead and delegate.
- Self-aware people tend to discover situations that leverage their strengths, avoid their weaknesses or they find ways to partner with the right people to mitigate the impact of their weaknesses. So the really bold and creative person partners with a detail, organization master or the person who loves technology, and really don’t get people, takes the technology track, not the leadership track. Self-aware people have a greater capacity to get these life and career choices right.
- Self-aware people are better at managing themselves at the moment to get better results. They often do what works rather than what is comfortable and this is a conscious process. I saw this first hand with a woman manager who worked for a senior executive who did not communicate well with his team. While her peers made things worse by railing about the boss’s constant surprises, she channeled her frustration into creating situations where the boss would naturally communicate the details she needed to get her job done. She eventually got promoted well above her boss’s level in the organization.
It is not possible to manage yourself if you are not self-aware. As the literature on adaptive and agile leadership shows, successful people monitor situations and they monitor themselves and make choices. If you are confused about your motives, beliefs, personality, and natural strengths, you have a poor basis from which to self manage.
qiwei
7 Jul 2020Is worth for us to keep chasing the ideal job, or just finding one job that is stable enough and giving enough income?
admin
9 Jul 2020depends on your motive profile. Some people MUST find gratification in the work itself. Others can live on achieving status alone
Margaret
8 Jul 2020I would like to further discuss the notion of motivation. Tying this back to a Jesuit ideal, St. Ignatius encourages and challenges us to pay attention to our “feelings” and name our desires. I’d like to think his sentiment here was really the same as the modern day soul-searching that takes the form of weighing what our interests are, what we want from life, and what we are already good at without trying too hard.
admin
9 Jul 2020yes…Ignatian thinking is very much in line with this..in fact, discernment of spirits is a big part of the spiritual exercises
Cristian
8 Jul 2020I can totally relate to this, I had an experience in my first role when I moved to the US and landed a job in digital Market Research as a Project Manager and after 2 years I was not really happy and wasn’t really leveraging my people skills, so I made the decision to leave and try a job in Sales, and since then, 8 years later, I still love my job and what I do. One thing I would be curious about is what techniques you recommend to continue the self-awareness journey as you progress in your career? Thanks
admin
9 Jul 2020let’s chat about this
Marissa
9 Jul 2020I loved the example of the HR manager who wrote on the weekends and was able to pivot into a speech writing role. HR is definitely a field where strong communication skills are a match, so it makes sense why he would have initially gravitated towards that field. However, he was able to continually reassess his strengths and values and aim for a role that was an even better match for him. He probably could have been content or even happy in his old role, but he was able to strive for something even better. It shows that self-awareness and evaluation aren’t a tool just for unhappy people, but can be used by everyone.
admin
9 Jul 2020Having coached him, I would say that he was the type of person who HAD to find his sweet spot; that is, he was probably not capable of being content not finding his bliss…
Paul
9 Jul 2020Dealing with unproductive unconscious beliefs are the toughest part of this process. It takes experience, and openness to the perspectives and advice of others. This self-awareness may come more naturally for some and take longer for others. I know people who have no self-awareness and will take that to the grave, which is their loss.
Hayley
9 Jul 2020If a person is self-aware, then they are more likely to succeed in life. Self-awareness requires an individual to critically evaluate themselves when it comes to their strengths and weaknesses. If you know your strengths, then you can maximize them in your job. If you know you have weaknesses, you can figure out how to manage it and improve it. However, if you lack self-awareness, then criticism can come as a shock.
Nicholas
9 Jul 2020Do you see scenarios in which being self-aware can be a detriment? I know people that are self-aware to the point it can affect their work because they’re unable to get things done due to over thinking
admin
9 Jul 2020being overly self-conscious can hurt and being too concerned with what others think of you can as well. I think this is different than self-awareness though
Anonymous
9 Jul 2020A story like the HR manager becoming a speechwriter for the CEO seems like the ultimate goal- finding a way to your niche that allows you to be both successful and happy, and leverages your skills. Making those career moves to get there may have involved some level of risk, but clearly that risk was met with even greater reward. I’m sure many people are self-aware enough to know what would be their version of the speechwriter for the CEO, but lack the self-confidence or the willingness to take risks to get there
admin
9 Jul 2020yes, happiness requires change and change requires some tolerance for failure and risk. Many people who score very high on the Hogan cautious scale are trapped in the wrong jobs!
Petiri
9 Jul 2020I hear Know Your Personnel in sports in regards to how to set your teammates up for successful situations knowing their strengths, Know your Customer in business in regards to understanding the client but rarely do you hear Know Yourself in regards to understanding your strengths and weaknesses. I think this is key because people don’t like to face the fact that they have weaknesses but diving into them can help you understand which tapes to play and ultimately turn them into strengths.
Jay
9 Jul 2020It can be challenging to examine why we play the internal tapes that we do. A lot of them seemed to be so deeply ingrained in us as products of experiences from earlier in our lives.
admin
10 Jul 2020yes and often when they are revealed it is a MAJOR learning expereince that can take your breath away!!!
Melissa
9 Jul 2020I just had a conversation with one of my direct reports this week on what she needed to do to help get promoted. We spoke in depth about leveraging the strengths and expertise of our cross-functional partners to compensate for areas that she needs to continue to work on and develop. It can be a daunting task to find those people in your organization, but it has been my experience that once I found them my job became easier and more enjoyable.
Holly
10 Jul 2020How do you recognize your best assets properly? How do you not confuse them with things that you are passionate about? I guess by asking this, I am also trying to reach that sweet spot as discussed in Part 1, but do have to reach your sweet spot in order to answer these questions?
admin
10 Jul 2020Passions are things that you are drawn to time and time again….talents are things that you are good at and it does not seem like it takes great effort. They are often related but not always. For example, I can be passionate about music but not have my own musical talent.